My Blog
February 25, 2009
Psychotherapy Meets Google
In P. T. Anderson's Punch Drunk Love there is a wonderful, awful scene in which the central character, Barry Egan, discloses his desperation, self-hate and rage in a private conversation with his brother-in-law "because you are a doctor". The brother-in-law listens quietly to the entire, agonizing plea for help, and answers "Barry, I'm a dentist!" Even worse, Barry's secret is repeated to the rest of the family. It's a brilliant portrayal of the nightmare of exposure that many people dread when they are in a crisis. No wonder, then, that people who are not used to asking for personal help prefer a relatively low risk and anonymous forum to begin exploration. I've seen several individuals who were willing to make a contact via the internet because they did not have to ask a third party for a referral, and who believe they probably wouldn't have risked getting help if it hadn't been so easy to take the first step. This is one way that I have noticed an accelerating impact of the internet on my clients' lives and in my practice, especially among men.
The relative effortlessness of surfing opens access to anything that is stigmatized in society, including many aspects of sexuality. Along with opportunities to affirm that we are not alone with our feelings and desires, the web brings an ocean of pornography to many who would not otherwise have such access. For some individuals who are overwhelmed by stress, the ready availability of a fantasy sexual world can become extremely compelling, to the point that they define it as a problem that interferes with their lives and relationships. For some, having a computer on line at home is like a recently sober alcoholic with a fully stocked bar in the apartment.
The computer can become like a third person in a relationship triangle, offering comfort when an individual feels "my partner just doesn't understand me". If the internet has had a significant impact on those of us who first went online as adults, what is the impact on people whose access started earlier? I wonder if many young adults consider their sexuality to be shaped by a lot of exposure to hard-core pornography during childhood or adolescence.
Another internet phenomenon that intrigues me as a therapist is the way search engines provide a new plot twist in the drama of our lives, allowing old friends or lovers to come across each other in an idle moment. Again, it is so deceptively easy to take those first steps in a search, and the results are potentially transformative.
In psychotherapy, one means of working with unresolved conflicts is to voice long-denied feelings to the imaginary presence of a person who has gone decades ago. Now it is a little more likely that people locate these childhood antagonists or lost loves. Just as exciting, we are suddenly contacted by people who are finally ready to say what they have been holding back from us.